Taking in the Cards on the Table Prt 2

After a good day spent wallowing in sadness I gathered myself and made my way to my parents place. Now that the woman that was then my future was gone, it was best I went to see my mum. She always had a way of making me feel better. I have no shame in admitting that I am a 'mama's' boy. Of all the women that have crossed through my life she has been the only one that stayed true and dependable.

As the taxi pulled up the driveway my legs felt weak. I don't think I had fully thought through the weight of this particular visit home. It was then the realization began to sink in and oh my goodness was it overwhelming! The song that was playing on the ride didn't help either, Lost in My Boots by Kwaye (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AEKSNBPGCM).

I had asked her parents for permission to take her hand in marriage and they were delighted, so of course they said yes. I then proposed to Gathoni and she also said big ol' sure - yes! It was beautiful. My heart soared and leaped in joy. Yes! What more could one ask for?

We then kick started the traditional marriage ceremonies and our families gelled so well. With a month to go to our wedding, we were just about to complete the final traditional marriage ceremony... then this happened. She left me. How was I going to explain this to my mother let alone my father?

We had already submitted The Bans of Marriage Announcements at Church.  She had really become part of the family and my parents were so taken by her. What about the extended families on both sides?.. Our friends...Ugh! I felt sick.

"Hey man... Are you ok?" asked the taxi driver

"Ah...yeah...sure...how much is it?" I replied as I dug out my wallet and while trying to suppress the already erupting dread from trickling down my body. Clearly my response wasn't believable. I could feel the driver stare me down as if to check if I was really 100% and I think he saw through the cracks in my being.

"That will be 650...you're sure you're ok? " he pressed. If ever I did a terrible job at lying, this one won a Grammy. I knew he didn't believe me. That's the trouble of making friends with your taxi guy. They are always be able to suss you out even when you don't want them to.

He tried to make eye contact. I evaded as I handed him the money. I got out of the car and as soon as my feet hit the pavement they felt all wobbly and heavy. What a combination!

I held on to the car as I tried to stabilize myself. I never imagined having such a public melt down and having nowhere to hide as I faced it full on. I dragged my feet as the driver's deep stare continued to consume me. Twas as if he was making sure I made it to the door so that no blame would fall on him. Finally he drove away.

My heart begun to pound furiously as a myriad of thoughts continued to splay. I could see her face. Little bits from our past cross sectioning with how she left me. Images from our last ceremony and how my family embraced her, her family embraced me and how I had embraced her  ...then came the image of her walking away...she didn't even turn back to look at me. It felt like daggers thrown straight my heart. This is the same woman who would get a fit if I didn't look her straight in the eye when talking to her - no matter the situation. Wow! Wonder what happened to make her feel that I wasn't worth a final look or stare.

Back to the challenge at hand, how exactly was I going to break the news? My mind went blank and I could feel my heart rate rise. Fast. Very fast. I turned on my positive self-talk voice, "Breathe. One step at a time. You’ll figure this ou..."

"Hi Son! What are you doing just standing at the doorstep at this time of day?" (dangit! Caught before I could capture my thoughts)

"Hhiii Mum!" (Too shrill. Tone it down. Round your voice. You can do this)

"Come on in Mali!!"  She beckoned as she gave me a big old bear hug. I tell you I almost melted and fell apart because it was just what I needed but I had to keep myself together before dropping the bomb.

"Karibu! Welcome home! It's been too long! How are yah my darling?" she teased as she pinched my cheeks...if only she knew that storm that was brewing inside.

"Thanks Mum. How are you and where's Dad?" I replied while doing my best to maintain a balanced tone.

"We're fine,” she said, "just missed you and Gathoni of course. Can you believe we only have one more ceremony to go then by the end of the month you'll have your own family? I cannot believe it! I’m so excited! How are you feeling about it?"

(Ground open up and swallow me!)

"Hmmm...Surreal," I replied,” Dad? Where is he?"

She responded with a smile, "Surreal. I like that. Your dad, he's just finishing his evening run and should be back soon. So where is my darling Gathoni? When ever have you come to visit me alone since your engagement? Or is this a special visit? Hmmm?

"It's special alright, but in a way you wouldn't believe. Are you ready for it?" I asked.

Mum nodded excitedly as she held on to her cuppa' coffee and cozied on the couch.

Ever so calmly I dropped the bomb. Live-no chills.

"Gathoni left me."

Next thing I heard was a broken mug and a loud "What?!" from my mother. Her face went polka: this was her facial reaction when things were terrible. I braced myself for whatever snide comments she'd make because my heart wasn't ready.

When I thought it couldn't get any worse my father walked in. Apparently he had already returned from his jog and had been standing behind me the whole time.

"Mali?! Mali? What...what did you just say?" my father asked in the way African dad's do when they are notifying you that you are in big trouble.

I buried my face in my hands as the banks of my tears finally broke. Things just went from zero to one hundred.