Surreal.

What's the one thing you never thought would happen and later actually happened? 

What's that one thing you know will eventually happen

But are not sure if it will ever find you fully ready?

What's that one thought you tucked at the back of your mind that you knew would one day come to pass,

 But were never sure on how you would react?

As you write it down or reflect on this, let me tell you what it was for me.

It was a clear day,

The royal sun adorned the blue blue skies

And radiated warm morning rays 

A cool breeze accompanied as if it was reaching for an embrace.

Well what would you know?

The day was finally here.

The day I knew would inevitably come to pass…

The day I had tucked away in the furthest corner of reality…

This was the day...and the moment was beckoning

"This way" he said,

 As he led me to a room that was located at the corner of the compound.

Right before me stood a white wooden door.

You could still see the oil paint strokes and a few splashes from the recent painting.

Thematic perhaps, but only time would tell.

He opened the door and led me into the room.

He beckoned me to follow.

"Do I have to?" I wondered "rather do I want to? 

The answer was yes.

Yes to both questions.

How could I not want to!

I could not bear nor dare not to.

That would be criminal!

I took a breath and followed him slowly,
 As the words I contemplated on...
 The information he had just shared began to sink in.

"This is it...A new chapter," I mused

I took a step into the room and there she was.

All draped in white.

It was so surreal, I almost pinched myself...

But that would be painful.

I chose to bite the inner part of my cheeks instead.

I walked slowly towards the bed to better see my Belle

I just wanted to take her all in;

To drink up the view with my eyes,

Capture every moment, every second, and every part of her that I could see.

I desperately wished I had Bernard's watch so that I could freeze time and motion

"Breathe...Breathe, take it all in slowly." I told myself

But my mind wouldn't co-operate.

I approached her slowly but surely,

And tried to get a hold of my emotions 

But twas as if there was a tyranny of emotions taking over!

I desperately needed to reign them in!

Unfortunately, they did not follow my cue.

It was as if the more I begged them, 
The more my emotions went haywire:

I had to reel in the best of the best to manage the situation.
I called in my Commander in Chief of my Emotional Department, 

Gave him the directive to address my emotions and get them to toe the line…

I imagine his talk probably went like this.

"Ladies, Gentlemen- today is a big day for you. 

But even more for our human.

For some of you-it will be your debut;

For others... not.

But because of the magnitude of the day, that is today,

And for the sake of our human,

I need ... No...Scratch that. 

I demand that you all toe the line!

No coming out all at once!

In one, two's and three's is fine,

But no more!

Otherwise we shall destroy our human and our home...

We wouldn't want that, would we?!

Alright...The moment is nigh...

Do your best.

Ready, any moment from now!" the Commander bellowed.

And in that moment I was right beside her.

Her face was oh so beautiful!

A smooth shapely broad oval face,

With a cute nose and full pink lips.

She was sporting her natural hair,

Which she always kept short.

Not too short that you would think she had no hair,

But long enough to see the richness in colour and texture,

And magnificent silver and black tight curls,

Which signified her royalty and authority.

My arms trembled at the thought of touching her.

I wanted to...I really did,

But I wasn't sure if I should.

I wanted to stroke her face,

Hold her face in my palm.

Feel her fingers in between mine,

Rub her smooth palms as we talked…

I wanted to run my fingers down her neck and onto her shoulders,

I wanted to embrace her tightly and feel her embrace back,

See her smile at me in the special way she always did,

But I felt it may be perceived to be too much for now.

A heavy white sheet draped her from neck down,

And I feared that touching her would mess with delicate balance that saw her draped in white.

As well, I did not want to make anyone uncomfortable.

I wish the man who led me there would have gone away,
Given my Belle and me some time alone,

But he didn't.

And she... she just lay there silently.

She didn't flinch or argue.

In fact, she had her eyes shut.

Looking at her eyelids I believe,

Instead of looking at me...
Funny Belle. Very funny.

Was is to taunt me?

I don't know.

My hand couldn't resist so I gently placed my hand on her face.

It was warm.

I did it so quickly though truthfully I could have left it there longer.

I felt an urge to kiss her forehead but I restrained myself and quickly withdrew my hand

The only thing that kept ringing in my head were three things.

One. Is this real.

Two. Why? 

Two and a half. Why now?

Three. How?

My beloved Belle was gone.

Gone from this world,

And on to the next.

Perhaps that's what the white door that was recently painted pointed to,

Her recent departure and crossing over to the next life,

Yet the very same door barred me from crossing over... 

Just like the way her lifeless body ceased to commune with me.

I couldn't bear it!

I knew it was so.

But I still couldn't believe it.

The doctor said so.

The hospital counsellor said so.

Family said so,

But her body was still deceivingly warm.

"That's because it happened just a few hours ago," the hospital counsellor said.

Honestly what can I equate what I felt to?

It was like seeing the sun fall out of the sky.

Drop at rapid speeds to an abyss or black hole,

Never to rise again in this life.

How can the sun not rise again?

How can the light the once shone shine no more?

How can my Belle rise here no more?

"Why God...Why?

Why now? Why wasn't I beside her then?

Why couldn't I have been there so that she never left alone?" I inwardly cried

But the tears would not show in the room.

Not then and not there;

That, I would deal with later.

And now, our moment together was being rushed

The counsellor’s body language signaled that I should start to wrap it up

I felt like I was being rushed to leave

But I didn't want to leave her

Alone

Yet she left me...

At least it felt that way.

I know we will all die

But I never expected her to go so soon

Not after we just talked that week.

I looked hopelessly and helplessly at her lifeless body;

The shell and temple that once carried such a vibrant and beautiful soul,

A soul bright in every sense of the word.

A soul so true,

A strong, resilient woman,

Girded in skill, brilliance and authenticity: none could and can compare

Gone...so soon.

I could feel a lump on my throat but my Commander in Chief was doing an excellent job.

"Well my dear,” I said as I gazed at her a final time,

"This has been a good run.

This is definitely not good bye,

More of a till we meet again perhaps?" I said as I stroked her face gently.

I kissed her forehead and run my fingers through her hair.

"Adieu my love, I celebrate you.
 Adieu in this life, 
We shall meet again in the next, 
Or sooner still,
In the banks of my memory...
Where we shall forever play."

Dedicated to those whose loved ones have gone to eternal rest. May God comfort, heal and guide you. As for the departed, we celebrate the gift we had in you.